


A Thousand Reasons Why

by CDWin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fallen Angels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2018-12-31 02:13:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12122289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CDWin/pseuds/CDWin
Summary: To fall, falling, fallen. Life has reason, Cas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is really really short but I had to get it out of my head. I might add to it later, who knows.

Whoosh

3

Whoosh

2

Whoosh

1

The ground was racing towards him, his wings making feeble attempts to push back against the air that rushed past them. Impact was no more graceful than he would have imagined. 

 First step was assessment. Dirt was caked in his eyelashes, left shoulder dislocated, spinal cord severed at T3, jaw dislocated, both legs would be broken too if he could feel them. All in all he has had worse, give him 5 minutes and the worst of the injuries will heal. Feeling his spinal cord fibers knit themselves together was not the most pleasant, however the sharp stabs of pain that he could now feel in his legs  made the stitching together feel like nothing. The resetting of his bones made him grit his teeth, putting pressure on the recently healed joint, the white hot pain clouding his mind for the time being. 

Breathe in, breathe out. 

Pressure on his back kept him pinned on his stomach. It was only then that he noticed the feathers that sat like a cage, framing his head. His wings slumped around him, wings that should not be visible, should not be found in this dimension. The massive weight made his carpal joints ache, the wings themselves were not made to manifest in this world, his body unaccustomed to the added weight and muscle usage that was now required.  He lifted his wings from the ground and folded them despite the protests from his bones. 

His eyes stung with the small granules of dirt that made their way past his eye lashes. He could feel the dirt between the shafts of each feather in his wings, caking his hands, face, and neck.  

With a goan ripping from his mouth he pushes himself up, nearly eye level with the crater that he had created. Who knew a fallen angel would make such an Impact? Well... partially fallen. Or at least not fallen enough to lose the wings and the healing. The fact that he has seemingly lost his connection to the Host while retaining most, if not all his abilities plus wings is incredibly startling. 

The silence in his mind became deafening. Pounding from one side of his skull to the other. The absence of the host left a gaping wound that left him gasping for air, turning the dirt on his face to mud with each tear that rolled down his cheeks. 

In the end, it will be worth it. 

The image of green eyes, spiked hair, plump lips, and a soft moan of "Cas" while the man he loves rolls towards him in the morning battles the emptiness he feels. 

His wings flare, ready for flight behind him. 

Yes, in the end, the fall is worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so short too. This will end up just being snapshots of the life Cas has. like the shutter of a camera, meaningful moment captured.   
> Note: time is fluid, this is the first of many time hops. Use the presence of grace or not to help you in regards to prefall or after fall. :)

If he were human he would most likely think it to be unbearably cold here. Dean might enjoy that, maybe he should offer. Snow is falling and collecting on the soft pine boughs he weaved above his head, falling onto the large branch he sits cross legged on, falling and collecting on the frozen earth below. He likes the way the snow falls, lazily and plump, drifting erratically to the earth below. He wonders if when he falls, he could fall as a snowflake. 

Sitting on that bough watching the snow, he tells himself that knowing he will eventually fall will make it easier. He has time to mourn the loss of his grace before it happens, to mourn the loss of his family and his Father before it happens. He thinks he will be okay. 

Loving somebody is not something angels do. He seems to be on the edge, ready for a final push, the look Dean gets in his eyes that speaks of a returned (yet still unrealized) love nudges him forward. Sitting, waiting, swaying over the edge. Hanging on the precipice. 

Castiel still does not know exactly how he got to this point. The line he crossed between having a charge in his care and caring for his charge was so much less defined than he would have thought. He seemed to have been a bit naive in thinking he could separate himself, regardless of returned feelings or not it seems as though his well manicured pathway is now changing to a rarely travelled and quite treacherous trail. 

The snow melts on his skin as he flies back to the Winchesters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas you coniving Bastard. Another short nugget :) happy almost thanksgiving!

Green eyes flash with anger. Bright and beautiful, prettier even than the jewels of heaven itself. The anger nearly makes them shimmer in the moonlight. Glimmering dangerously, replacing the shock that was there not moments before. 

He had to push, he has to know. And in the split second after he had brushed Deans lips with his own and Dean had followed, searching for more, his suspicion was confirmed.   
Cas has a lot of faith in Dean but giving up everything he has on faith and lingering glances would have been impossible.   
He had to push that boundary.   
Dean may be angry now, but when he has time to think it over, things will change. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even before the fall, but eventually things will change. Cas can see the implanted seed of realization the kiss left behind. Dean will have to come to understand that he might just be a little in love with Cas too and it's okay. This kiss is the first step, Castiel is nothing if not a strategist, and for now he needs to back off and let it simmer.   
He does just as Dean wishes and fucks off back to the bunker admiring his handiwork. 

The next few weeks will be crucial. Dean needs space after what he went through. However, Cas needs to walk the fine line between letting Dean get over it and not letting him forget. He needs to water that seed of realization and not let Deans uncanny ability to ignore and forget win out. Denial is a tremendous force and it will be an intense battle, but then again he has observed this particular brand of denial for many years now, and he is not underprepared. 

He can see the wariness in Deans eyes when he sits down opposite to him. He looks ready to claw his way out if necessary, like a wild animal. Cas is so focused on Deans level of comfort that he nearly misses the way his body betrays him. Dean unconsciously licks his lips as his eyes flick to Cas' lips. Dean can pretend all he wants but Cas knows better. Knows that Dean can't stop thinking about it, is going crazy over the remembered sensation of his lips, he can hear his name spill from Deans mouth late at night as readily as the cum that spills from his cock.   
His plan is working perfectly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just breathe Dean... ha!

The angels will fall and his mother burned.  Life was just peachy if you were to ask Dean Winchester. Just fucking peachy. I mean if you don't count the strange infatuation for his blue eyed BFF and his odd codependent behaviors involving his brother, but ya know, fuckin' peachy keen. It's not like everytime he blinks he sees the streaks of angel wings burning across the sky or when he sleeps he dreams of blonde hair, screams, and fire, it's not like things could be worse right?  
Well wrong.  
Because come to find out this blue eyed BFF actually wants to be his blue eyed butt buddy and now his big gay freak out is initiated because he kinda likes the idea of a big ol angel weiner, but he's a man so he shouldn't want that so he is going to cover it up with anger and ruin his now strained friendship with his best friend and piss his brother off in the process. And life is great. Life is fuckin awesome is what it is. 

In the end Dean is just scared and that's okay because his best friend kissed him and he secretly liked it but he has to pretend to be mad and it's just stressing him out. He's snapping at Sam, won't look Cas in the eye, and he feels a little trapped and no amount of monster killing, beer, or women have been helping but Dean thinks maybe shit will eventually fall into place and shit wont be such a bitch eventually, and he might like the way his shit ends up but he doesn't really know what's gonna happen in the end.  
Who does?


End file.
